Tips From a Frustrated Caterpillar

We all know how hard it is to exercise and eat well. It is easy-ish for about 3 days and then the reality sets in that this is all going to take a lot longer than you anticipated. I realised this rather acutely when I read that there are 3500 calories in ONE POUND. That means if you continue to eat as you normally do and work out 7 days a week for an hour, you will only lose a pound a week. Horrifying, right? So you have to eat right every single day too and then things will start to happen. I'm learning little things as I go along and I'm willing to share every little thing I learn so that we can all try to make the transition from chubby little caterpillars to beautiful butterflies together (too much?). I'm tired of being the little caterpillar that almost did. I want the full bloody cataclysmic transformation.

So here are the things I've been doing and that I recommend:

1) Put your gym clothes out every night - from socks to undies to sports bra - all of it. Have it ready. That way you can wake up bleary eyed and just wriggle your blubbery arse into the gear and walk out the door. No excuses.

2) Go to the gym. Toned fat looks better than wobbly fat. It works better than a spray tan.

3) Keep a food diary. I've been using www.myfitnesspal.com on my iPhone and online every day for 7 weeks. I can tell you every morsel of food I've eaten since February. Don't LIE on your food diary. WTF for? Who are you trying to fool? Oh so you've eaten 950 calories a day for 5 weeks and gained 2 kgs? Righhhht. Stop being an idiot.

4) Remember that fruit and vegetables have carbs. If you're on a low carb diet remember that an apple has about 23 grams of carbs in it. Fruit juice is horrifyingly high in carbs. Do some research. Your food diary online will tell you specific details and will really help.

5) Stop wearing stretchy clothes in a size 10 that lull you into thinking you're a size 10. Go and try on a pair of size 10 jeans. Step on the scale. Sometimes a rude awakening is necessary. Ok so size doesn't matter, numbers don't matter etc. But you say that... ummm... do you believe that?

6) Saying No is hard the first few times and then it's empowering. You can go to a kids party and say no to cake. You can go out at night and stay off the carbs and alcohol. Say no. Make the buttons close!

7) Do not reward yourself with food. You are NOT A PUPPY.

That's about all I know for sure right now. I know this now. I need to keep knowing it. I'm tired of starting over.