Australian celebrities sing for Oprah

The Oprah Show

She has her detractors, the people who don't buy the hype, those who think it's all fake, that she's a megalomaniac, insincere or just annoying. I have met them, I have defended her for decades and I will continue to do so ad nauseum. Today, I got overwhelming, conclusive and extraordinary confirmation that my Oprah is a phenomenon. I have never seen anything quite like it. I literally have never seen anyone do what they do for a living better than how this woman does what she does for a living.

There is no pretence, there is no 'show', there is no faking or acting. There is no hesitation, no cue cards or teleprompters - there is just an all pervasive warmth, boundless curiosity and the propensity for exuberant, childlike joy like I've not seen in other fully grown humans.

Many people have the gift of the gab, most coherent humans could conduct an interview and get reasonable answers. What Oprah does is t0 make you feel like you are part of the conversation. She allows you to know both her and her subject on a uniquely intimate level. Oprah appears to have no issue with being seen as a real person, an emotional and flawed individual with empathy and compassion second to none. We see her without make up, in unflattering clothing and in deeply personal situations. We see her as the glamorous, poised and magnanimous uber-celebrity. In both guises, she is the same girl. There is simply no artifice.

I truly never believed I'd have to opportunity to experience her magic first hand and I cannot tell you how privileged I feel to have been there today. To say it was a dream come true seems twee to me. It was so much more than that. We all have our 'person' who motivates us, moves us to tears, makes us laugh out loud and inspires us. Oprah is mine. I've watched her show for my entire adult life - from the time she debuted on SABC 3 in South Africa when I was a Uni student, through life as a young girl in London, a married girl in Sydney, a mommy in Dublin and beyond. She's been there through it all, propelling me forward with her crystal insight, her unwavering belief in our power as human beings and her innate spirituality and gratitude. She's my constant in a life that has been highly changeable. To be in the same place as her at the same time as her and to get her ringing endorsement of Sydney and Australia feels like a sign.

What can I say other than Thank You, Oprah. And to those who don't 'get it', I hope you find your person. It sure does help.

The Unintentional Housewife

I'm a housewife. I didn't choose to be one, but it has happened... unintentionally. This is what you need to be aware of: when/if you decide to stay at home to raise your children, you also inadvertently get saddled with the HOUSE.

The house has needs which rival those of a toddler. The house requires endless, undivided attention. There is never a moment when everything is done and remains so. You may think you've finally done ALL the washing, but that only lasts a maximum of 12 hours. You are never done with the washing - never ever. It's enough to make one move to a nudist colony if only to free oneself from the sickening burden of dirty laundry. The same applies to the dishes - I feel like my dishwasher is on all day long. If only I could apply the nudist colony principle to this and simply not eat... but that would merely reduce the dishes by a third and the other two-thirds would still have to be done... by ME. When the laundry and the dishes are done, there's the general MESS of toys and bits of fruit and endless stickers and magnets and tiny cars which seem to inhabit every spare nook and cranny of my house. I now live in a small regional branch of Toys 'R Us only without the staff to stack and arrange the shelves.

While I do all of this, I'm overwhelmed with guilt that I SHOULD be going to the gym, I SHOULD be getting to that writing that I promised myself I would commit to, I SHOULD be doing the work I'm neglecting from my part-time job... So, even when I do manage to do all the house stuff, I'm still not done... because I'm failing at the rest of my life. Invariable the things I'm neglecting to do are the things which actually fulfil me... the things I do for myself.

I marvel at the women who make it seem possible. I don't know how they do it. Is it practice or is it something one is born to do? See for me, this is unintentional. I don't want to be a housewife.

Clarity

I feel like I've spent the whole year spinning around and around and now I'm standing here, dizzy and confused. Not the most poetic or articulate way of putting it - but it's been 'that' kind of year. I guess 2010 will be stored in the memory banks as the year that sanity forgot. We've had 4 months in South Africa, 3 months in Dublin and 3 months in Sydney so far and I really am just starting to focus. You know when you wake up in the morning and everything is fuzzy but you can make out a few outlines and colours? It's like that.

Sydney is starting to feel 'normal'. I am starting to want to be here. I don't want to swap with anyone, I am not wishing I was somewhere else. I am taking ownership of the decision to move here. Yes, it was me. I wanted this. I asked to move back here. Now we're here and I need to do something to make it feel anchored and permanent. I need to grasp the concept of 'forever' and also process the fact that 'forever' does not translate as 'happily ever after'. This isn't a fairytale - it's real life. No-one said it was supposed to be easy. I just had it easy for a long time and assumed that was how it would always be.

Here's the 'rub'. I need to commit to what I want to be when I grow up. It would appear I'm THERE. I am grown up. If I don't do what I want to do NOW, then when exactly? And what is it that I want to do? Well, it's this. I want to write. It is the only thing I do without hesitation, with no excuses or procrastination, I am never resentful of it, I do it with ease and certainty. Writing does not intrude on my day, it doesn't demand my time when I want to be doing something else. It doesn't chain me to some clinical desk in a depressing cubicle amongst people who don't want to be there. It makes me feel like I'm being honest. It feels like what I am supposed to be doing and it always has. I knew it at 17 and I've done it for 16 years, but now I need to do it properly. I need to be a writer.

I've postponed the inevitable I guess - always knowing this was in me, being told repeatedly and encouraged relentlessly. I've been living the subject matter for 33 years now. It's time to write it.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Be careful what you wish for - or at least be very specific. I know they say that 'God is in the details' - turns out God is a very detail-oriented guy. One might say a tad OCD. The chap wants MORE info. All of it even.

I have truly screwed this one up. See, I spent 3 years in Dublin asking God to let me go back to Sydney. I asked a lot. I asked often. I'd look outside at the gloomy, greyness and the persistent sideways drizzle (that rarely matured into 'rain' but still meant my GHD was useless) and I'd say 'Please God let me go back to Sydney'. Sometime around January God listened. James resigned and we started making plans to get back to Sydney. I was happy. I was, if you'll excuse the twee-ness, Singin' in the Rain.

So I arrived in Sydney in mid-July with this song in my heart, a skip in my step and an overwhelming sense of relief. We were here. The hard part was over and now the happily ever after part would just take hold. It's a little like my whole 'Please God just let me be thin for my wedding photos' scenario ... My question was a bit short-sighted. I was thin for my wedding photos - but that was 1 day ... the day after I started eating carbs. I asked God to take me to Sydney, but I didn't really explain what I wanted when I GOT HERE.

I want the whole story ok? I want us to be healthy, employed and settled. I didn't want us to all be sick one after the other and often all at the same time for weeks on end. I didn't want the stress of financial woe and joblessness. I thought that was a given, but it turns out I should have mentioned that in my little chats with the big Guy. I didn't think it would all be this hard. I had no idea. No matter how much I wanted out of Dublin, I didn't want Sydney like THIS.

So I'm asking now. Please God, let me be in Sydney and be happy. I know I'm asking for a lot, but can you at least think about it? I have time. I'll work with you. Just give me a sign there's a possibility it will happen? Thanks. Oh and thank you for MacKenzie. You did really good there.

Jeremy Clarkson narrates my life

It's very odd having 2 boys in my house 24/7. My life is narrated largely by Jeremy Clarkson and Buzz Lightyear. It's a little bit like our own private edition of Celebrity Rehab or Big Brother, but I guess we're detoxing from 3 years in Dublin where I played the part of dutiful corporate wife (AKA Single Mother). We're "regrouping" (see, bits of my 3 years in Dublin were narrated by Doctor Phil) and reestablishing our priorities - our collective priorities as a family. For the most part, it's positive and good. As with all learning curves, it is also hard work.

In the lead-up to our move back to Sydney, people kept asking me if I was excited to get back to Sydney. As I've said before, I find nostalgia to be quite a dangerous thing. I said, repeatedly, that I was looking forward to September when the jet-lag had dissipated, the boxes had been unpacked, Spring would be upon us and we'd be settled and in the 'swing' of things.

Today is the 1st of September.

G'Day Hoe Gaan Dit Wie Gehts Hello

So here we are in Oz - Down Under- in Sydney... starting again (sort of) and relishing the beauty, ease and positivity that infuses daily life here. I struggled to leave South Africa. I truly fell in love with my Home and would have been quite happy to stay there. I've never felt such patriotism, such a sense of belonging and an appreciation of the simple things in life... It was in stark contrast to our time in Dublin where I felt that everything was about money. We went there for money. We stayed there for more money. We left because, in the end, money is NOT enough of a reason to be somewhere. Three months in South Africa provided the antidote to the 3 years in Dublin. In South Africa, the vast majority of people have no money and no material possessions whatsoever. Yet, somehow, these people have the most tremendous capacity for joy and celebration. I will be eternally grateful for the time I had in my magical country as I feel I recaptured my essence. I like stuff, sure, but I don't need it.

I focused so much on the anxiety I felt about leaving South Africa that I hadn't even thought about arriving in Sydney. Our arrival here was quite bizarre. I can only equate it with those movies where the lead character dies and then returns to his/her life to see what life would be like without them. We returned after over 3 years away to find, of course, that everything had continued quite nicely without us. There are many many babies, some relationships have ended and new ones have begun... The first week was awful - jet lag and confusion, boxes and suitcases, multiple 3am screenings of Toy Story (1 and 2)... and then profound normality... We're back.

In my 20s I always broke my life down into 3 categories: House, Job, Relationship. There were very few instances in my 20s where I had all 3. Each time I did manage to secure all 3 at the same time, something cataclysmic would happen. Memorably, at about 24, I had the guy, the house and the job... then the guy upped and left for Sydney. When this girl upped and left for Sydney, I had the guy and the house, but no job. Finally, as I hit 30, I had the guy, the house, the job... and the guy took me to Dublin... where I had the guy and the house...and then a little guy, so no job. Now, we're here in Sydney... and I have the guy, the little guy, the house...and no job. It's a vicious and challenging circle, but I'm sure very soon we'll get it sorted.

It's never simple. Even when you get exactly what you've always wanted. Sometimes I'm envious of the friends I have who have opted to stay put, grow roots and pursue their path with the least possible obstacles. Mostly, I'm not. I am curious though about the 'alternative' - what would have happened had we stayed in London or in Dublin or in South Africa? Right now I'm aiming to find out what happens if we stay in Sydney. Watch this space.