Uncomfortable silences

I am a very open person (duh) - I talk about everything and I share everything without hesitation.  I don't see the point of secrets, I don't enjoy being told classified information and I hate the faux apprehension of others coveting a secret who then gleefully spill the details in hushed tones.  I hate it all.   I hate having to pretend I don't know things, I hate when things are mistakenly revealed in the wrong company and I hate the awkward farcical cover-up and the insincerity that it heightens.  It is so much easier to be honest - like a 4 year old - who just says it all - as s/he sees it.  At some point we all grow up and become dishonest.  I don't get it.

Got Milk?

Everyone and their dog is weighing in on the Time Magazine cover and I think that's probably the point. With magazine sales plummeting and publishers opting to go digital at every turn, Time has pulled out all the stops and thrust what appears to be the last taboo at us.  This divisive, confronting and (to some) disturbing cover has certainly got us talking.

This is what I feel about the cover:

1) You realise this kid had to pose for several hours in different positions to ultimately achieve THIS money shot, right? It's unlikely that he was actually being nourished at the particular moment that the picture was taken.  I feel bad for him.  He will remember this weird day when he spent all day being photographed and being made to feel like being breastfed was news worthy. He's nearly 4. He would have gone to school the next day and talked about this. This will stick.

2) Lactivism sucks. I'm sorry but why do we have to applaud people for breastfeeding? If it is so natural then why do we have to herald it as if you're producing caviar from your elbow? I don't get it. My opinion on the subject: feed your own baby the way you want to.  Make sure your baby is fed. Full stop. That's the deal - have baby, feed it. I don't care if it's from powder in a bottle or gold dust from your nipples. Just feed your baby.

3) I understand that in the wilds of Africa etc breast milk is a safer option than the water available nearby. I get it. If I was in the wilds of Africa/India/South America I would totally breastfeed. I promise.

Week 4 - Moderation Shmoderation

You know that great line in that movie Field of Dreams 'If you build it he will come'? Well I have my own version of that 'If it's there, I will eat it'. Not quite as poetic, but true nonetheless. Moderation shmoderation. If chocolate is within walking distance of my sofa, I will eat it all. My advancing years, experience and worldy-wisdom have never helped me out in this area. My default setting for food is stupid.

Which brings me to EASTER - the festival of chocolate. I know there are religious connotations and it's not supposed to be about the food - but excuse me for being a Jewish girl with an historical, ethnic penchant for eating. For me, Easter is about chocolate and the religious experience that the sugary, calorific goodness provides.

This Easter was a little different... as was Pesach. My usual beloved dual-festival of matzo balls and chocolate wreaked fear in the depths of my soul. Not only could I not eat any of the above, but there would be 4 whole days with no gym sessions. Combine this with 24/7 mommy duty and you would be right to expect that this super-motivated, super-inspired girl was heading for imminent disaster. I am proud to say: you are wrong. Yes we did the Easter show. I had 2 strips of chicken, a black coffee and water. Yes I hosted 1st night Passover at my house, I enjoyed a fabulous 2 course dinner with several glasses of champagne... but minimal carbs and no dessert. Yes, we had an extensive Easter Egg hunt in our garden on Sunday morning. I am no means a saint. I had one Cadbury's Cream Egg and a 3 of the other tiny ones... and promptly booked a babysitter for Sunday and Monday afternoon so I could get 2 hours of cardio in. It's ok to indulge, but there have to be consequences or else the scales show you those mean horrible little numbers that you DO NOT WANT TO SEE.

So I lost weight over easter - only 0.6kgs but I think it's the only Easter I've ever lost weight. The massive bag of chocolate eggs is still in my kitchen and I haven't reached for it once. You see I want this goal weight so much that I can taste it. And it tastes better than chocolate.

Tips From a Frustrated Caterpillar

We all know how hard it is to exercise and eat well. It is easy-ish for about 3 days and then the reality sets in that this is all going to take a lot longer than you anticipated. I realised this rather acutely when I read that there are 3500 calories in ONE POUND. That means if you continue to eat as you normally do and work out 7 days a week for an hour, you will only lose a pound a week. Horrifying, right? So you have to eat right every single day too and then things will start to happen. I'm learning little things as I go along and I'm willing to share every little thing I learn so that we can all try to make the transition from chubby little caterpillars to beautiful butterflies together (too much?). I'm tired of being the little caterpillar that almost did. I want the full bloody cataclysmic transformation.

So here are the things I've been doing and that I recommend:

1) Put your gym clothes out every night - from socks to undies to sports bra - all of it. Have it ready. That way you can wake up bleary eyed and just wriggle your blubbery arse into the gear and walk out the door. No excuses.

2) Go to the gym. Toned fat looks better than wobbly fat. It works better than a spray tan.

3) Keep a food diary. I've been using www.myfitnesspal.com on my iPhone and online every day for 7 weeks. I can tell you every morsel of food I've eaten since February. Don't LIE on your food diary. WTF for? Who are you trying to fool? Oh so you've eaten 950 calories a day for 5 weeks and gained 2 kgs? Righhhht. Stop being an idiot.

4) Remember that fruit and vegetables have carbs. If you're on a low carb diet remember that an apple has about 23 grams of carbs in it. Fruit juice is horrifyingly high in carbs. Do some research. Your food diary online will tell you specific details and will really help.

5) Stop wearing stretchy clothes in a size 10 that lull you into thinking you're a size 10. Go and try on a pair of size 10 jeans. Step on the scale. Sometimes a rude awakening is necessary. Ok so size doesn't matter, numbers don't matter etc. But you say that... ummm... do you believe that?

6) Saying No is hard the first few times and then it's empowering. You can go to a kids party and say no to cake. You can go out at night and stay off the carbs and alcohol. Say no. Make the buttons close!

7) Do not reward yourself with food. You are NOT A PUPPY.

That's about all I know for sure right now. I know this now. I need to keep knowing it. I'm tired of starting over.

Vision 9 Week Challenge - Week 2

If it were easy, it wouldn't be a challenge. Right? It's not called the "9 Week Holiday". I'm in week 2 and I must confess to being a bit grumpy. I am, however, feeling rather virtuous about my exercise and food discipline. I've trained 10 days out of the last 14 and I feel like there should be some kind of medal? An audience with the Queen? Or perhaps a cheque for a million dollars? That's not going to happen - but I did get something this morning which felt like a reward. I bought a dress 8 months ago that 'almost' fit (not at all) and today it does!!! All the buttons closed with ease and I felt awesome! I think this is in part due to this ridiculous circuit training class hosted by the sadistic Bladen last weekend. I've been hobbling around like a 90 year old since Saturday morning and I choose to believe that one of the buttons is as a direct result of those punishing lunges and squats!
I'm down nearly 5 kgs now since joining Vision and I have to say this is working. How is your challenge going? Are you aching from head to toe? If not, try harder. You're doing it wrong.

The Vision 9 Week Challenge

I have gained and lost and gained the same 10kgs many times over. In my late teens it was easy. In my early to mid twenties it was easy. Now I'm 35, I have a 3 1/2 year old, I work, I run a house and have an active social life and IT IS NOT EASY. I struggled on my own for a few months... and failed. It was time to call in the artillery and pull out all the stops. I started with Chris Vision Personal Training Crows Nest a month ago and I have dropped 4 kgs so far. I can't quite tell that I've lost weight yet - my jeans still don't close, my SPANX are still working over time and my wardrobe is still largely made up of stretchy. forgiving (deceitful) fabrics ... but I am on my way.

As a self-confessed exhibitionist, I am putting all of this out there - my facebook friends and my twitter followers are acutely aware of every gram I lose, every meal I eat and every time I hit the gym. I feel like I am at the forefront of a revolution - a VISIONARY - if you will. Of course, I'm not really. What I'm doing is perfectly normal. The vast majority of people exercise and eat well on an ongoing basis. For me, however, this is a challenge. Not only a 9 week challenge but a challenge to stop quitting, stop having to start over again from scratch and employ these basic principles to my daily life on an ongoing basis. I'm learning lessons, I'm making changes and I feel GOOD. What's your vision for this week? Mine is to exercise 5 times, fuel my body well and drop another kilo. Join me?

Didn't We Almost Have it All?

When I think back to my tween years - when I started actively listening to music and knowing the words to songs - there are 3 performers who come to mind: Madonna, Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston. They provided about 90% of my soundtrack. I had posters of Michael on my wall, books about Madonna - I memorised her life story - and I knew all the words to Whitney's songs. When I got dumped by my first boyfriend, a friend wrote me a letter and enclosed the lyrics to 'Where to broken hearts go'. I even sang 'The Greatest Love of All' at an Eisteddfod once!

Michael died the day after my son's 1st birthday and I remember feeling a sense of loss - like part of my childhood had been extinguished. Today, Whitney Houston is dead and I have that same feeling of loss. Yes, she has cut a tragic figure for many years. Her career waned from the moment she met Bobby Brown and became an addict. But her songs resonate - they bring back endless memories of slumber parties and slow dances, shuffle socks and scrunchies.

My husband and I started discussing Whitney, Madonna and Michael as we drove home today from a night away. While Madonna is arguably the least talented of the trio, she is the one who remains at the top of her game. Her career has lasted the longest, transcended all musical genres and fashions and she continues to thrive. It is incredible to me that in the very same week that Whitney (probably) overdosed, Madonna has launched an extensive world tour and a new album. While Michael and Whitney were fragile and broken, endlessly searching and becoming increasingly lost, Madonna seems to be bullet-proof. She has survived failed marriages, dismal reviews, questionable career moves (and fashion choices) and has never ever backed down, seemingly never even floundered.

What is that thing that she has in abundance that the others lack? Is it because she entered the industry and treated it wholly as a business? She wanted to rule the world (she said it herself). She had no famous relatives, she didn't have a famous surname (she has no surname at all) and she isn't even especially good at singing or acting. Yet she's not only still alive, she's at the top of her game. Michael Jackson was the product of a fame hungry father. Whitney's entire family were well-known gospel singers and Dionne Warwick is her auntie. Madonna headed to New York a complete unknown and worked her arse of. She is above all things a skilled and brilliant businesswoman and she epitomises indefatigable resilience.

It will be very interesting to see what happens next. How will this fame monster affect Gaga, Beyonce and Kanye? Who will be the Madonna and who will be the Whitney/Michael? We will probably know way too soon.